If we proceed from the statement: “a woman wants to obey, and a man wants to own,” then the establishment of relations between the Dominant and the submissive can be conditionally divided into several levels.


Level one - no obligation


The first level in the relationship between the dominant and the submissive is the level of conditional trust. He is the starting point of the relationship between a man and a woman in BDSM - Topic. The relationship between them is built on the basis of trust and mutual respect, as well as a deep understanding of what each expects to receive reciprocally.


The goal of a relationship on the first level is to get physical pleasure quickly. At such meetings, the transfer of rights by the saboy to the Dominant is rather conditional, which is limited by the duration of the session. With such "random" connections, the submissive must clearly define the boundaries of what is permissible, stipulate the acceptable strength of the blows, and also not allow himself to go into subspace, since in a trance state the Dominant may not understand or misinterpret the wishes of the submissive.


In turn, the Dominant must be aware that the session is one-off and it is unacceptable to demand more from the sub than she can offer. The dominant bears full responsibility, both for his actions and for the state of his submissive.


Second level - regular meetings


This is the stage at which the frequency of one-time meetings develops into a regular relationship, which is built on a mutual desire to expand the boundaries of what is permissible and get to know each other better. The transfer of rights from the sub to the Dominant can be conventionally called an exchange of power. At this level, partners tend to get more pleasure than random sessions.


Such relationships are based on the same principles as those of the first level, where the submissive has no real emotional dependence on the Dominant. The boundaries of the submissive to the Dominant are negotiated in advance.


The privilege and power of the Dominant over the sub is limited only by what brings pleasure to both partners. Light penalties for previously agreed offenses are allowed if this is part of the game. The dominant can give assignments to the submissive and for their failure to determine the degree of punishment within the established boundaries. If the Dominant's instructions go beyond (it is impossible to discuss all the cases that arise), which the submissive was counting on, she immediately lets the Dominant know about it. In this case, the Dominant has no right to demand obedience from the submissive. Such inconsistencies should be perceived by partners as consultative, defining the boundaries of acceptable interaction.


Third level - convergence


The level of emotional closeness between partners is due to the partners' sincere desire to give each other more pleasure than in the first stages. The dominant and the submissive tend to be close and may establish certain rules of behavior and instructions that are capable of going beyond the time allotted for the session. At this stage, the formation of the emotional dependence of the sub from its Dominant takes place.


The submissive, experiencing a sense of belonging, can give the Dominant the right to limit his freedoms and agree to the proposed model of behavior. The dominant, in turn, can count on subspace from his submissive, but at the same time he should not benefit from the short-term psychological dependence of his companion. The dominant should not have a strong impact on the saba. However, he may require her to perform certain actions, if he is sure that they will really bring pleasure to both. If the Dominant was mistaken in his assumptions, then he must immediately cease his actions.


The submissive at this level of relations is responsible for accurately communicating to the Dominant the limits of his capabilities and can allow himself to enter a state of subspace, for a while, become psychologically dependent on his partner. At this stage, the behavior of the submissive is characterized by the desire to please the Dominant outside the boundaries of the role-playing game and session.

As a result, respect and obedience to the Dominant's wishes can become part of her behavior and lead to deeper physical and emotional satisfaction.


Fourth level - consolidating the transfer of power


Such relationships are characterized by the presence of deep respect, affection, trust of the sub to his Dominant. The partners transfer the performance of their roles beyond the sessions, into the behavioral life. It is worth noting that this kind of connection has a deep emotional coloring, which is possible only with real feelings. The desire to please your chosen one becomes a pronounced feature.


Having reached such a deep connection, the Dominant and the Submissive create a kind of symbiosis. The submissive in this pair often identifies with tattoos, piercings or a collar. The collar serves as a symbol of loyalty, belonging - a kind of wedding ring.

A collar for a saba can also be used at the early levels of a relationship, if, for example, a long-term relationship is planned between the Dominant and his saba. At the same time, the quality of the collar and its design may change in the process of changing the behavior of the submissive.


For the submissive, this level of relationship is characterized by special trust and a desire to please the partner outside the session. At this stage, the sub will transfer all rights to the Dominant. Concessions on the part of the submissive, which were previously unacceptable, now become a necessity in order to achieve more pleasure.


Now the Dominant can give instructions, set limits, even if the latter require a significant amount of time from the sub to fulfill them or to overcome internal psychological resistance.


At the same time, a great responsibility falls on the Dominant, since now he is responsible for the direction of the development of his pupil.


Saba, as before, must correctly and clearly convey the limits of his capabilities and the boundaries of desires. Emotional and psychological attachment should not affect her ability to objectively assess the situation and correctly build communication. Usually the submissive at this level of the relationship adopts the style of her Dominant. Such a relationship is dictated by sincere love and the highest degree of trust.


The fifth level - the loss of your "I"


Here the submissive's personality dissolves into complete submission to the Dominant.

In my personal opinion, the transition to this level is unethical and not practiced, its destiny is role-playing games within the framework of separate sessions.


The disclosure of the essence of this level is given for the purpose of acquaintance.


At this level, the submissive completely loses her identity, she no longer belongs to herself, either physically or mentally. Her whole being serves one purpose - to satisfy the desires of the Dominant. There are no longer any restrictions at this stage of the relationship. Neither the taboo of the submissive nor her physical and psychological characteristics are taken into account anymore. The submissive does not have personal space, she cannot be left to herself in any form.

In such a relationship, the Dominant receives a wish-fulfillment automaton devoid of personality traits.

The behavior of both partners, in which the submissive is completely deprived of his "I", and the Dominant continues to use his unlimited power, is considered unacceptable and akin to serious pathology.




In different couples, the number of levels of relationship formation may differ, it depends on the psychological compatibility, maturity and experience of the partners. Some couples may have additional levels or sublevels, other couples, having stepped over one of the stages, will move on to the next without discomfort. Establishing Thematic Relations is a delicate process that requires increased attention and care from both partners. During this fascinating journey, you must always remember: only respectful and trusting attitude towards each other will bear fruit, many times exceeding any of your fantasies.

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